I love my job. I’m a courier. All day long I deliver packages. I even like my uniform. The colors are complementary and I don’t feel like a dork (no offense to any dorks out there- you bring good things to the world too and I love you for that) I like to drive and I’m good at it. I’m in the sunshine and fresh air and people love it when I arrive because I am delivering something they’ve been waiting for. I feel like a rock star and the city is one great big fan club.
Recently, things have changed.
Now, as I drive down the streets they’re empty. There’s very few people out and little traffic. When I deliver to a business there are signs taped to the front door that read something like this “due to covid 19 we are not allowing visitors to come in please knock or call and someone will come to the door.” When I arrive at a residence and I hand the package off to the mom or dad or person at the door you can see the fear in their eyes. They’re grateful for the delivery but they really don’t want to touch the package. I understand and I don’t blame them. If I stop to think about it, it scares me too, but that’s just it, I won’t allow myself to dwell on it.
I do everything at work that I’m asked. I sanitise my vehicle and equipment, wash my hands and use lots of hand sanitiser. I keep my distance and listen to updates. The thing I don’t do is listen to the news for hours or read endless stories about the situation of the world. I’m even trying not to write the name of the virus in this read. The overwhelm is extraordinary.
I’ve always been a helper. I like helping people. If I have something I can share to make another person’s day brighter I do it. Alot of the time, it’s as simple as a smile and a cheery hello. Now, as I go about my day, the energy is different. There is a heaviness in the air and I have a little speaker in my head constantly doling out “warnings”, “cautions” and messages of fear and panic.
I have a rule.
I don’t spend time with doom and gloom folks. I don’t waste effort on constant complainers.Yet, somehow I have this raving panic rhetorician taking up valuable space in my own mind. I know this is the time for me to turn up the volume of my whole persona and strike out in a blaze of resilience but I’m fumbling the ball.
What to do?
Well, first I tell myself this is temporary. This is not the “new” normal. I really believe that covid 19 has been given too much power. I know that my government and governments across the globe, scientists and doctors and whole host of agencies are working to keep me and my loved ones safe. Here at home I’m watching my community pull together by keeping a recommended distance, wearing masks and sanitizing.
I know that fear cannot grow in a state of love.
With this I close my eyes and remember my favorite moments. Fun times spent with my children and family, favorite places, beautiful sunrises, favorite foods all the things that light up my life. Then, I say a prayer of thanks for all the lovely blessings bestowed upon me. I don’t stop there. After my prayer of thanks and gratefulness I remember all the things I still have to do. Not the chore list. The dream list. I want to see the Grand Canyon with my kids, I want to paint the season of fall, I want to help people…anyone I can help feel a little bit better.
I take action and with it I feel a sense of control.
I’m keeping my conversation strong and positive. Keeping communication focussed on this moment right here because at this moment I am safe and calm and happy. I play music that makes me want to dance. I don’t care who spot’s me bopping down the street and if they laugh, mission accomplished! I’m wearing baby blue eye shadow because I like it even though it’s not the most trendy thing right now. I feed my french fries to all the tiny little birds that come to visit when I’m on my lunch break because it feels great.
All of these things give me strength so I can help.
Find your things. Open them, build your strength, your shining strong spirit so you can help too.
Love you….
S.K.Dail